Lessons In Letting Go

This is something I should have posted last fall in October that I never did. I didn't post it because I honestly think I wasn't ready to. My life has changed in so many ways in the last few years, and I feel like it took me this long to get myself in a place of relative peace because I needed time and space to heal my emotional wounds. A year on and I'm now a stronger person with much less baggage than I used to have. So here it is, plain and simple. This is what I felt like returning home after a long journey, like a depleted and crestfallen Odysseus coming back to my own Ithaca. 

I want to preface this post by saying that life is strange, but sometimes you see it coming.

I saw it coming. Now it's here, and that's okay. I get it now. This is another lesson I have to learn.

As of this moment in time I've just returned home after 2 years of being away, and it's like I was never here at all. Yes, of course there are those few memories that I recall from long ago that bring a small smile to my face, but really those occasions where few and far between even in the good times. Being in a home where one never actually feels at home makes coming back awkward and, in many ways, sad. Seeing things you remember not with fondness but with a heartache and a tear attached to them is not comforting. That is why I am choosing now to let go. This my new mantra/coping mechanism/lifestyle/what have you. I am removing all that does not serve me in my life, or things with negative attachments (or both), and sending them out into the world. Some things are material and I hope they will be enjoyed by others, and some are not. Some things are emotional attachments, long-lived, that I really need to be rid of once and for all. I'm sure those of you that read my blog understand what I mean; we all go through hardships at some point in time. 

Since I've been home, which is about 2 weeks, I've gone through many of my material possessions and have begun preparing for the garage sales, and getting eBay set up, started donating to clothing drives and donation-based charities and the like. I feel good giving to others and making space for more freedom in my life; the act of giving and releasing myself from these objects should have been an activity I started many years ago. At least I have begun to do this now instead of waiting again for another opportunity to come along, because I do feel that right now it really has come down to the proverbial "now or never". *

*Reflecting on that time last year when I wrote this, I do not wish to alter it now. It does seem to have an unfinished quality to it, but that was me at that time- unfinished, in limbo if you will. I still have no regrets about my decision, and I'm found peace for the most part when it comes to that time in my life. Hope you've enjoyed the read. 

The First Harvest

It's been so long since I last came to write in my blog. My last post was nearly from one year ago now, and I was talking about change. I was, at the time, adamant about leaving my bad situation and beginning anew, which I happily announce to you all, my dear readers, that I have done just that. My life has changed dramatically since I become detached from my family. I now have a job, so now I've come to feel independent and confident again. I've also returned to school once again, working hard to finish off my bachelor's degree for good. I'm ready to enter the world of the working, capable adult, so any step in the right direction is going to take me closer to that goal regardless of how long it's taken me to make that step. So yes, I can certainly say that my life is better. It's not absolutely fabulous yet, but who can say that anything in life is perfect? Not anyone I know of. Which brings me to my main reason for returning to my blog. I know I've done this many times since the start of my blog, but the lean times seem behind me now, and I which to take stock and start fresh. Hence my reasoning for posting tonight.

Today was Lammas, the time of bringing the grain of the summer fields to our tables at the beginning of the harvest season. For those of us that live by the Old Ways, agricultural parallels to the seasons of life is our vehicle of harvest. The fall is once again going to be upon us for the year 2014, and it seems hard to believe even now that so much has come to pass so quickly. Reflecting upon my last year, I see how much I've changed, grown, as a person and as an individual. For someone like myself that has never had much of a presence or voice amongst my peers, I now feel like my aura has increased- that I have gained strength in who I am and where I need to be. I have become more leader than follower, in a position to nurture and help those looking to find their own place of confidence and positivity as well. This is me taking stock so far of my new journey, and the goddess helped in so many ways. As much as I was strong, this last year She gave me more strength to hold my ground. For all my shortcomings, She helped me find out what I was really capable of doing. 

This harvest is the beginning of what is to come, and I'm already preparing for what the autumn and winter may bring into my heart. 

Brightest blessings to you all this Lammas or Lughnasadh, and may we all be granted bountiful harvests of in our mind, bodies, and souls in the next Sabbats and months to come. 

Leaving Bad Behind

Everyone knows that at some point in time things end. Life is cyclical; beginnings lead to ends that lead to new beginnings, over and over again for infinitesimal time. You cannot stay static in this world, as everything is always changing and moving all the time in this physical plane of our existence. That being said, there are times when change must wait. So I waited. And waited. And waited. But I cannot wait anymore. The time for change is here, and I know what once was must come to an end. For the last two years I've endured the difficult times my entire family faced with sensibility, responsibility, and an almost brave face. I did the best I could to delay the inevitable collapse of the stability I was trying so hard to create in the face of utter chaos which I had been enveloped in for so long. But I cannot delay my change any longer; it's either risk a loss in my life or have no life at all. At this moment in time I've already made my decision to change as I am finally ready to do so, and I stick by it. For some I may have bided my time for too long, but I had to be sure I was making the right decision. Now I am 100% sure of myself, so I am leaving. I am actively embracing change and leaving a bad situation for a better one. I'd much rather brave a bright path of uncertainty with a good chance of success than go through a rushing river of stagnation and guaranteed discontent and wasted time. I just can't have that. For the last two years I have been stuck in a bad situation with my family that I needed to be involved it. At the beginning I chose to stay and help out, but as the situation evolved my choice was taken away from me. I no longer had the choice to stay for I didn't have the choice to leave. My family needed my help so I helped. I wanted to help, but then my help was take for granted and expected. It wasn't "could you", it was "do it" and I'm totally fed up. I did many things over the last two years, many times with no recognition, no satisfaction, no gratitude, and never any compensation for my time or effort. Not that I expected money, not at all, but being in my late 20's and having to rely on my father to support me for two years did nothing to make me feel confident or like an adult. I need freedom, I need to be able to choose, and the only way I can do that is to leave. I really needed freedom over the last two years, but family obligations put a damper on everything I wanted to do. I felt trapped, unable to breathe, stuck in a bad situation that made me feel empty and angry. I was a bottle under pressure from the inside out. It killed me everyday for the last two years, and now it's over. I've freed myself from a bonded life, and I'm leaving it behind with no regrets. 

Change is good again. 

Sunny Summer Solstice

Today we've reached the midpoint of the year- the height of the Oak King and frolicking fairies in green, lush fields and verdant forest groves. The sun is out shining bright in the afternoon sky, with the wind swaying much greenery and flowers in its breeze. To say I'm content right now is an understatement; life has been good to me as of late, and despite having moments of sadness I am thankful. 

I was recently able to see my boyfriend after a long time of being apart, and honestly it was a time of happiness long overdue for the both of us. We spent two weeks together traveling on the east coast, and it was magical. Despite my anxiety over certain things our relationship is more solid than ever. I suppose being in love does that to people. 

This summer solstice has not been particularly special- really just another sunny, warm day in June. But there is hope and love in the air I'm breathing. The feelings and emotions I've been turning over and over in my mind are brimming with new life and teeming with excitement. Half of the year has gone, and I'm very much looking forward for the rest that is to come.

Blessed Litha, everyone xoxox 

Thoughts on Observing Esbats

(Taken from my Book of Shadows)

It's been quite a while since I last wrote in my BOS, and I have missed the peace that comes with writing in this little black journal of mine from time to time.
Last night I had what I guess you could call an "interlude" between the more mundane parts of my day. I knew the moon was heading towards being full, in it's 'waxing' phase, so I felt drawn to sitting on the green couch in front of the windows and pulled up the blinds to look at the moon. It was just past midnight with the moon at the peak in the night sky. The moon was so bright, the streetlight in front of the house paled in comparison. I say staring at the moon for quite some time. It's funny how staring at the moon seems to solve all of my problems. Perhaps it's the reverent solitude, or the wisdom that comes from knowing you are looking at the same moon every single one of your ancestors and their ancestors, all the way to the dawn of time, also looked at all those centuries and millennia ago.
After that brief moment of silent awe, I realized that I've been back in my habit of focusing too much on the material as if late, and ignoring what I should never put aside. The spirit, my spirit, is a delicate thing, and I need to be actively engaged in this to truly find peace in myself.
I have made a pledge to observe all the next Esbats in May and the end of April to bring myself back into the swing of things, and so far I have planned for one tomorrow night, the full moon of April 24th.
I am convinced that celebrating the course of the moon during its 28 day cycle is very important to the witch's cause and well-being. The moon opens up the mind and gives us time to pause and reflect upon ourselves and our actions. The moon helps us understand the cycles within our own lives and our feminine wisdom that has been inherent to us as women (and men!) and passed down from our female ancestors.

So a toast to esbats and the moon herself, and to all of the witches and lovers of the moon. May we all be safe and free to frolic in her moonlight for many years to come.

Major Arcana: The High Priestess

How can one truly describe one of the few cards in the Tarot's major arcana whose symbolism and wisdom defies description?
The ever-loved and much pondered High Priestess card does not tread lightly in meaning nor suggestion. The most apt paraphrasing of the exact meaning of this card would be, "as within, so without." Despite that sounding like an extremely general statement, the phrase does fulfill all the necessary requirements to understand the subtle meaning contained in this card.

As most of us know from studying the ancient cultures of Western Civilization, priestesses were women that devoted their lives to the gods and goddesses of yore with vows to their sacred temples. Mostly young women, they were the ancient diviners and oracles of which cult followers and Homeric-type poets adored and made legendary. Those women gave their energies to their cause with grace, dignity, and of their own free will.

The way I see it, the High Priestess in the Tarot is just as enigmatic as the temple-women of ancient times before her. An opposite and compliment to the Magician, she beckons us within our readings to look inside ourselves and reflect upon the answers we already have, feed our inner spirit, and feel the energies of the world around us in our contemplative state. This is a card of passiveness as opposed to action; to dwell in the mental subconscious instead of acting in the physical.
It is hard to say more about this card as to me it is more about feeling than seeing. If seeing is believing, could not feeling be understood as knowing? That is the message the High Priestess conveys to me.

Ostara 2013

Amidst yet another long and heavy snowfall came the Spring Equinox to Montreal. I wasn't the least bit surprised.

Now that the most recent snow piles have begun to melt under the strong sunlight of the longer days, things feel a bit lighter than they were during the winter months. Energies are rising and harkening life back to earth, and people are starting to put away their sweaters in favour of t-shirts. Flip-flop season is coming, my friends, and I can't wait. As a hater of boots and shoes in general, I can't wait to get my feet out in the sunshine and oxygen of the outdoors again. Better yet, I can't wait to be out on a beach somewhere with the soft grains of sand between my toes....but soon summer too will be upon us here in the northern hemisphere.

I'm working in more topics for my YouTube channel, and on actually donating the clothes, objects, and goods that I have which no longer serve me. It's something I've been meaning to do for some time, but as always, things get in the way and make it easier for me to forget. A few boxes of donations would free up a lot of space both in my personal space and in my mind, because then I wouldn't have to worry about the clutter anymore. Spring is really a great time to simplify life and I intend to do just that for the next few months until preparations for the summer begin.
I'm off to fill a few more boxes now, wish me luck!

Happy Ostara everyone!