Full Corn Moon - August

Crickets out my window, the quiet of night radiant with the light of the moon- what a great sight to meet my weary eyes on such an evening. I've had a long day with the same trials and tribulations I've faced for the last few weeks. Where am I going, and what exactly to I need to give myself to get there? I can't even begin to answer these questions, but at least I can sit quietly, peacefully even, and look at the moon with awe and gratitude. The summer has been eventful in many good ways, even with the not so good looking a lot more positive in this blue moonlight. But what of it? Well, the things that I came to believe I understood changed into the things I now realize I didn't actually understand. I see that now. That lack of understanding on my part was not intentional, it was merely a formality of not having more life experience than I ought to at my age. Of course, life is never cut and dried like that. No, life has taught me more lessons in the last year about myself in a way I never saw before. The shy, introverted girl I was is no more a wallflower of sorts. I can hold my own like the rest of them now, but I still hold back at times. Why so? To be honest it's because I'm not quite 100% comfortable with it yet. Soon, hopefully. Time is healing a part of my character and inner-strength that I thought was permanently damaged not even a year ago. I'm not damaged, not by a long shot. The ability for me to be a strong-willed person was potentially there the whole time, if only I had been aware of how to look inside myself and bring it out into the open sooner. Sadly, life hands you lots of lemons before it lets you make the lemonade.

Like the corn in the fields, bathing in the moon tonight, I'm still growing and maturing into what I want to be. Although I'm not sure what I want to be, I know, deep down, that it's close to being realized. Good thoughts on a good night, for sure.

Prioritizing My Self

Every year the times seems to slip away a little faster on me, and I get more tired and prone to procrastinating. You might even say I'm a Grand Master of procrastination I do it so well. Too well, in fact. Recently I've felt the need to wean myself off of late nights and zombie mornings' after, so a remedy was called for- time management skills to the rescue (or not)!

Good old time management, the bane of procrastinators everywhere. Here's my chance to really get in gear and make sure I follow through instead of wallowing in preventing myself from getting anything done. Okay, step one, setting goals. Check. Making sure I keep things written down and on lists. Check. Get a planner! CHECK! And now you can get everything done and never procrastinate again! Check? No. There is never a simple solution to an old problem. At least I've made a commitment to working on it.

I want to make myself be more proactive when it comes to making sure I'm getting the most out of my time. Is it feasible, yes it is, in theory. The hardest part is the practical, like the first time you turn on the engine of a car and take your foot off the brake. You've seen it done thousands of times, yet when you do it for the first time it's as if the car is going to speed out of control and drag you away with it. Fun stuff, I'm sure.

So how am I going to fix this, you ask? I'm working on it. My ultimate goal is to ensure that I have enough time in my day to do three things of importance. (As a side note, work is not in these three things because it's not optional). Right. Number one on my list is having time set aside included for meditation. I used to meditate all the time! Not so much anymore. I tried doing a chakra balancing video a week ago for Lammas and fell asleep in my chair, sitting up. I was quite the sad sight at that moment. Since I stopped meditating I haven't been as carefree or as calm as I used to be most of the time. That is another blog post in itself, so I'll reserve talking about that later in my BLOGUST series.

Secondly, I would like to make time for reading. I read a lot, every day really. However I do not read anything I actually would enjoy reading. There is a pile of books I hauled off of back in February that I haven't even touched as I have no time to even skim through them. This saddens me greatly, ergo reading books in on my list of things I absolutely need to make time for. What good is having a load of witchy books if I can't even read the damn things? Sheesh.

Lastly, I want to make time to nurture my soul back to health. Since I came back home and got a job, started planning my career path, went back to school, I've lost some of the witch in me. It's there of course, buried underneath it all, sparkling through every so often when little things cross my path or I see a glimmer of the Craft in something. Like a little bird perched near my window looking in on me, or a look at the moon to see what phase its currently in and secretly wishing I could celebrate a little. Sigh. I'm going to make sure that I incorporate making time for my inner self a priority at the moment, which I'm glad to say is happening at this moment as I take some quiet time to write in my blog for the day. Tomorrow will be something new, something fun maybe, and I can keep on writing with myself in mind.

BLOGUST!

This new month has just begun, so I've taken up the challenge of making myself blog on a daily basis for the rest of the entire month. I'm not sure if all the posts will be Witchcraft, Paganism, or Wicca related, they might be about something that I've had on my mind for some time that I felt like writing about, Tarot readings and reflections, or it may be a review of a certain item I like or love (probably one of the numerous teas I collect), or even just a small quote or thought that popped into my head. The posts are not going to be specific length- just whatever I fancy at the time. My goal is to be consistent so that I can get into keeping my thoughts down for posterity again. I missed doing that. 

Keep checking in to make sure I'm posting like I should be!

And if you would like more of me, you can check out my Twitter as well. 

Lessons In Letting Go

This is something I should have posted last fall in October that I never did. I didn't post it because I honestly think I wasn't ready to. My life has changed in so many ways in the last few years, and I feel like it took me this long to get myself in a place of relative peace because I needed time and space to heal my emotional wounds. A year on and I'm now a stronger person with much less baggage than I used to have. So here it is, plain and simple. This is what I felt like returning home after a long journey, like a depleted and crestfallen Odysseus coming back to my own Ithaca. 

I want to preface this post by saying that life is strange, but sometimes you see it coming.

I saw it coming. Now it's here, and that's okay. I get it now. This is another lesson I have to learn.

As of this moment in time I've just returned home after 2 years of being away, and it's like I was never here at all. Yes, of course there are those few memories that I recall from long ago that bring a small smile to my face, but really those occasions where few and far between even in the good times. Being in a home where one never actually feels at home makes coming back awkward and, in many ways, sad. Seeing things you remember not with fondness but with a heartache and a tear attached to them is not comforting. That is why I am choosing now to let go. This my new mantra/coping mechanism/lifestyle/what have you. I am removing all that does not serve me in my life, or things with negative attachments (or both), and sending them out into the world. Some things are material and I hope they will be enjoyed by others, and some are not. Some things are emotional attachments, long-lived, that I really need to be rid of once and for all. I'm sure those of you that read my blog understand what I mean; we all go through hardships at some point in time. 

Since I've been home, which is about 2 weeks, I've gone through many of my material possessions and have begun preparing for the garage sales, and getting eBay set up, started donating to clothing drives and donation-based charities and the like. I feel good giving to others and making space for more freedom in my life; the act of giving and releasing myself from these objects should have been an activity I started many years ago. At least I have begun to do this now instead of waiting again for another opportunity to come along, because I do feel that right now it really has come down to the proverbial "now or never". *

*Reflecting on that time last year when I wrote this, I do not wish to alter it now. It does seem to have an unfinished quality to it, but that was me at that time- unfinished, in limbo if you will. I still have no regrets about my decision, and I'm found peace for the most part when it comes to that time in my life. Hope you've enjoyed the read. 

The First Harvest

It's been so long since I last came to write in my blog. My last post was nearly from one year ago now, and I was talking about change. I was, at the time, adamant about leaving my bad situation and beginning anew, which I happily announce to you all, my dear readers, that I have done just that. My life has changed dramatically since I become detached from my family. I now have a job, so now I've come to feel independent and confident again. I've also returned to school once again, working hard to finish off my bachelor's degree for good. I'm ready to enter the world of the working, capable adult, so any step in the right direction is going to take me closer to that goal regardless of how long it's taken me to make that step. So yes, I can certainly say that my life is better. It's not absolutely fabulous yet, but who can say that anything in life is perfect? Not anyone I know of. Which brings me to my main reason for returning to my blog. I know I've done this many times since the start of my blog, but the lean times seem behind me now, and I which to take stock and start fresh. Hence my reasoning for posting tonight.

Today was Lammas, the time of bringing the grain of the summer fields to our tables at the beginning of the harvest season. For those of us that live by the Old Ways, agricultural parallels to the seasons of life is our vehicle of harvest. The fall is once again going to be upon us for the year 2014, and it seems hard to believe even now that so much has come to pass so quickly. Reflecting upon my last year, I see how much I've changed, grown, as a person and as an individual. For someone like myself that has never had much of a presence or voice amongst my peers, I now feel like my aura has increased- that I have gained strength in who I am and where I need to be. I have become more leader than follower, in a position to nurture and help those looking to find their own place of confidence and positivity as well. This is me taking stock so far of my new journey, and the goddess helped in so many ways. As much as I was strong, this last year She gave me more strength to hold my ground. For all my shortcomings, She helped me find out what I was really capable of doing. 

This harvest is the beginning of what is to come, and I'm already preparing for what the autumn and winter may bring into my heart. 

Brightest blessings to you all this Lammas or Lughnasadh, and may we all be granted bountiful harvests of in our mind, bodies, and souls in the next Sabbats and months to come. 

Leaving Bad Behind

Everyone knows that at some point in time things end. Life is cyclical; beginnings lead to ends that lead to new beginnings, over and over again for infinitesimal time. You cannot stay static in this world, as everything is always changing and moving all the time in this physical plane of our existence. That being said, there are times when change must wait. So I waited. And waited. And waited. But I cannot wait anymore. The time for change is here, and I know what once was must come to an end. For the last two years I've endured the difficult times my entire family faced with sensibility, responsibility, and an almost brave face. I did the best I could to delay the inevitable collapse of the stability I was trying so hard to create in the face of utter chaos which I had been enveloped in for so long. But I cannot delay my change any longer; it's either risk a loss in my life or have no life at all. At this moment in time I've already made my decision to change as I am finally ready to do so, and I stick by it. For some I may have bided my time for too long, but I had to be sure I was making the right decision. Now I am 100% sure of myself, so I am leaving. I am actively embracing change and leaving a bad situation for a better one. I'd much rather brave a bright path of uncertainty with a good chance of success than go through a rushing river of stagnation and guaranteed discontent and wasted time. I just can't have that. For the last two years I have been stuck in a bad situation with my family that I needed to be involved it. At the beginning I chose to stay and help out, but as the situation evolved my choice was taken away from me. I no longer had the choice to stay for I didn't have the choice to leave. My family needed my help so I helped. I wanted to help, but then my help was take for granted and expected. It wasn't "could you", it was "do it" and I'm totally fed up. I did many things over the last two years, many times with no recognition, no satisfaction, no gratitude, and never any compensation for my time or effort. Not that I expected money, not at all, but being in my late 20's and having to rely on my father to support me for two years did nothing to make me feel confident or like an adult. I need freedom, I need to be able to choose, and the only way I can do that is to leave. I really needed freedom over the last two years, but family obligations put a damper on everything I wanted to do. I felt trapped, unable to breathe, stuck in a bad situation that made me feel empty and angry. I was a bottle under pressure from the inside out. It killed me everyday for the last two years, and now it's over. I've freed myself from a bonded life, and I'm leaving it behind with no regrets. 

Change is good again. 

Sunny Summer Solstice

Today we've reached the midpoint of the year- the height of the Oak King and frolicking fairies in green, lush fields and verdant forest groves. The sun is out shining bright in the afternoon sky, with the wind swaying much greenery and flowers in its breeze. To say I'm content right now is an understatement; life has been good to me as of late, and despite having moments of sadness I am thankful. 

I was recently able to see my boyfriend after a long time of being apart, and honestly it was a time of happiness long overdue for the both of us. We spent two weeks together traveling on the east coast, and it was magical. Despite my anxiety over certain things our relationship is more solid than ever. I suppose being in love does that to people. 

This summer solstice has not been particularly special- really just another sunny, warm day in June. But there is hope and love in the air I'm breathing. The feelings and emotions I've been turning over and over in my mind are brimming with new life and teeming with excitement. Half of the year has gone, and I'm very much looking forward for the rest that is to come.

Blessed Litha, everyone xoxox